Wings were awesome (I'd recommend the Mesquite) and the beer was cold. Jays won in extra innings too, so all in all, it was a pretty good night. However the HON candidate (hell, the straight up winner) of the night happened when we got on the last train home.
Now I've mentioned in the past a very entertaining pickup attempt dripping with failure earlier this year on the GO:
http://tbettz.blogspot.com/2010/03/swing-and-miss.html
...but this one takes the cake.
So we sit down and about a second before the train starts moving, this moderately attractive girl who I can safely assume sprinted to catch the train based on her being covered in sweat and breathing like she just finished a triathlon, sits down just a seat over.
Sitting directly across from her is a dude wearing a CNE employee shirt. Again, eavesdropping is something you're always told not to do but fuck it, we all do it anyway. So the conversation between them went as follows:
CNE dude: You were the Blue Jays game eh? How was that? (She was decked out in Jays gear)
Girl: *still struggling to find her breath*
CNE dude: Oh...guess I'll let you breathe...
CNE due: Would you like some water?
Girl: *shakes her head*
From this point I kinda stopped paying attention until one of my friends brought to my attention how the conversation was going.
They weren't talking and the CNE dude just got upgraded to creepy CNE dude as he was raping her with his eyes.
Now I guess I'll let out a pretty well known fact: If a guy sees an attractive girl, he checks out what she's got if you know what I mean. However, it's a subtle thing as to not come off like a fucking creep.
THIS guy was eyeballing every single pore from her ankles to her thigh where her shorts started. His stare looked similar to this:
Pretty much the only thing missing from the scene was him pulling his dick out to beat off.
Meanwhile, the girl was partially covering her face and looking away to the side where I got to see the look of sheer terror on her face.
My friend recommended we pretend to know her and get her to come over to empty seat we had but at this point she had gone to sleep so it wasn't like we could have asked.
Fast forward about 20 minutes later as she's leaving to get off at her stop (or to get away from Ted Bundy Jr.) and creepy CNE dude stops her to give her a stuffed animal.
"Here take this."
"No thanks...I...uh..."
"I thought you'd like it, it's a blue bird"
*random stuttering from trying to say no in every single way possible*
"Take it."
*girl gives us a bewildered look, takes it and Usain Bolts it down the stairs*
*Creepy CNE dude smiles and returns to his corner*
I may have suffered a permanent injury from biting down on my lip so hard so as not to laugh and possibly get shived by aforementioned creepy CNE dude.
(This is a shiv)
After he left, we talked about what might have happened if he got of on the same stop as her and concluded that she'd probably be on the news the next day or at least in a freezer somewhere.
Pretty sure she's not ever going to The EX again...
Think I'll pass...
