NBA Playoffs - Finals Prediction

(1) Los Angeles vs. (4) Boston

Prediction: Boston in 6
Result: Lakers in 7

So I was wrong, but could not be happier. Fuck the Celtics.

NHL Playoffs - Stanley Cup Final Prediction

Ahh...finally I can enjoy the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Yes, the Philadelphia Flyers have finally killed that annoying bug that just wouldn't die that is the Montreal Canadiens.

I can finally go back to my regular dislike of all Philadelphia sports teams.

I say "dislike" because "hate" is a very strong word, that I have only reserved for the Montreal Canadiens and the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Anyways, the final best of 7 series for Lord Stanley's Mug is finally set.

Your 2010 matchup is between the Chicago Blackhawks and the Philadelphia Flyers.

Now you might think because I previously mentioned my dislike for all things sport from the City of Brotherly Love, that I'll be cheering for the Chicago Blackhawks, but that's not the case.

Because really, I'm not cheering for anyone. As I've mentioned before, my team didn't make it to the post-season.

Instead, I'll be cheering for players, and since the Flyers have these guys:



And the Blackhawks have these guys:



I don't really care who wins.

I just hope it's a good series with some good hockey, and it will be.

That being said, I'll still make a pick.

(2) Chicago vs. (7) Philadelphia

I'm really tempted to go with Philly here, since they're on some crazy run (see Eastern Conference Semi-Finals) but I can't pick against such a balanced and talented team like the Hawks. So...

Prediction: Chicago in 6.
Result: Chicago in 6.

I guess we'll see if Sidney Crosby really did bust that "curse" of touching the Prince of Wales trophy...

UPDATE: Nope.

Fan Mail

I didn't think I was really all that important but I guess my overuse of social media sites and nonsensical blogging has payed off!

That's right ladies and gentlemen, I finally have fans!

My first two bits of fan mail came via Facebook messages:

Between You and Jj Burns
May 21 at 1:12pm Report
faggot much?

why are you so goddamn ugly?

kill yourself cunt

Between You and Pv Justice
May 22 at 1:33am Report
STILL A FAGGOT CUNT YOU ARE

take your faggot face off the pics, you're hurting the internet with your presence cunt

Fantastic!

I figure I'll max out at 5000 friends soon, so don't be afraid to create a fan page for yours truly.

Your pal,
Tristan

/sarcasm

UPDATE:

Tristan is a faggot said...

*YAWN*

can you be more boring?

nope guess not

fucking homo
May 21, 2010 1:11 PM

Tristan is a faggot said...

hey dickface


why you so ugly?
May 21, 2010 1:11 PM

Tristan is a faggot said...

Nobody reads your fag blogs cumstain
May 21, 2010 1:10 PM
Tristan is a faggot said...

you're still a faggot cunt
May 22, 2010 1:31 AM

Tristan is a faggot said...

you're a faggot
plain and simple

TRUTH

Tristan is a faggot might be my most loyal fan. They comment on all my posts, almost right as I post them. I'm actually quite flattered that someone has taken time to send me such kind comments. Not to mention us having the same first name! Thanks for reading.

Blonde Genies

Got this in an e-mail from my uncle. KILLED me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks
up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful
women.

After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100
bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door.

He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, 'I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful
women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me.

NBA Playoffs - Conference Finals Predictions

East

(2) Orlando vs. (4) Boston

Prediction: Orlando in 7
Result: Boston in 6

West

(1) Los Angeles vs. (3) Phoenix

Was thinking Phoenix in 6, but this series is going 7. And no one is beating the Lakers at home in a game 7 so...

Prediction: Los Angeles in 7
Result: Los Angeles in 6

NHL Playoffs - Conference Final Predictions

The shitheads that are the Montreal Canadiens by some act of God are in the Eastern Conference Final.

I'll let Mike Gundy tell you how I feel...



What's even more vomit inducing is that they'll probably win this series too and head to the finals where I pray, PRAY that whoever comes out of the West takes care of business and ends this run they're on.

(7) Philadelphia vs. (8) Montreal
Prediction: Montreal in 7
Result: Philadelphia in 5

(1) San Jose vs. (2) Chicago
Prediction: Chicago in 6
Result: Chicago in 4

God I hate the Montreal Canadiens...

An American Draft Dodger in Thunder Bay

Great song by one of Canada's finest.

Dear Canadian hockey fans...

Spare me the whole "Bring the cup back to Canada" bullshit I hear every time a Canadian team is in or near the Stanley Cup Finals.

I never really started watching hockey until I moved from Toronto to a town where 80% of its population watched the sport religiously (ironic, ain't it?).

It was that run by the Toronto Maple Leafs in 2002 to the Conference Finals against the Carolina Hurricanes that made me really become the hockey fan that I am today.

Two years later, the 6th seed in the West, the Calgary Flames, made it to the Stanley Cup Finals.

Probably about 99% of the country was cheering for the Flames to beat the Tampa Bay Lightning for one simple reason:

To "bring the cup back home to Canada".

That was the first time I'd ever heard that, and still don't understand it to this day.

I'm a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and unfortunately, that year they were eliminated for the second year in a row by the Philadelphia Flyers.

I had no one left to cheer for because my team was out.

Every one else for the reason I mentioned earlier "adopted" the Calgary Flames.

I remember sitting in a basement, watching Game 7 with a few friends, who couldn't understand how or why I wasn't cheering for their all of a sudden, beloved Calgary Flames.

Simple. My team was out.

The Lightning ended up winning that series in seven games and wasn't upset like my friends were.



I was glad that Dave Andreychuk, after 22 seasons, finally got to hoist the Stanley Cup.

The same thing happened two years later, when the Edmonton Oilers faced the Carolina Hurricanes in the Finals. Carolina won, and I was glad to see Rod Brind'Amour raise the cup.



My team didn't even make the playoffs that year. I had no one to cheer for.

As of today, there are two Canadian teams left in the Stanley Cup Finals, the Vancouver Canucks and the Montreal Canadiens.

Vancouver is 4412 kilometers away, I don't care for the Canucks.

The greatest and most bitter rivalry in hockey is between the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Montreal Canadiens.

Yeah not cheering for those guys either.

So I thought about it...maybe the whole "bringing the cup home" thing has to do with the nationality of the players on each team?

Well if that's the case, then cheer for the Penguins, who have 17 Canadian players (one of those being Sidney Crosby [see 2010 Winter Olympics Men's Ice Hockey Gold Medal Game]) on their team compared to Montreal's 15.

Chicago has 20 and so does Vancouver so I guess that's a push. Even though Chicago's captain is Winnipeg's own Jonathan Toews.

So I guess what I'm getting at, is that I don't get the whole "getting behind a Canadian team in the playoffs that you don't regularly cheer for" thing. Makes no sense to me.

And it probably never will.

An open letter to Chris Bosh.

I used to like you.

I feel for you when you complain about the constant lack of effort from your team night after night.

You're a perennial All-Star at the age of 26.

You're not at Kobe, Lebron or Wade's level (and you never will be), but I still appreciate how good of a player you are.

Hell, you're probably one of the best power forwards in the game.



I liked you even more after that video put me in stitches. Everyone can appreciate a good sense of humour.

However after your recent tweets, I actually want something like this to happen to you...



Been wanting to ask. Where should I go next season and why? 6:28 PM Apr 30th via Twitterrific

Are you kidding me? Are you just trying to fuck with Toronto or are you just an attention whore?

Ok... Let me rephrase the question. Should I stay or should I go? 7:06 PM Apr 30th via Twitterrific

That one was even more fucking dumb. What do you think your fans are you going to say? To tell you to get the fuck out of the country ASAP?

My first time making ESPN or ABC this year! Thank you Mr. Wilbon and Mr. James. 5:34 PM May 2nd via Twitterrific

First of all...sad that you know that. Second of all...REALLY? You're the face of basketball in an entire country and you care that two American networks mentioned you BECAUSE of your last two fucked up tweets?

Let me tell you something Chris...you're never going to be as big in an American market as you are here in Toronto.

You say you want to win a championship.

If you go to a contending team, you're no longer the #1. That team will already have their own star, and that spotlight won't be shining on you anymore.

Ask the stars before you if they still would have left Toronto if they could have done it all over again. Tracy might be the only one who'll tell you yes.

(By the way, he doesn't have a ring to this day.)

So whatever Chris, I couldn't care less if you leave anymore. It'd just be nice if you agreed to a sign and trade so we can actually get something for you in return while you get your American media attention fix somewhere else.

Sitting here watching the games wishing I was playing. I wonder if that MVP trophy is heavy? about 22 hours ago via Twitterrific

Yeah keep wondering, you'll never know.

NBA Playoffs - Second Round Predictions

East

(1) Cleveland vs. (4) Boston

Prediction: Cleveland in 6
Result: Boston in 6

(2) Orlando vs. (3) Atlanta

Prediction: Orlando in 5
Result: Orlando in 4

West

(1) Los Angeles vs. (5) Utah

Prediction: Los Angeles in 6
Result: Los Angeles in 4

(3) Phoenix vs. (7) San Antonio

Prediction: San Antonio in 7
Result: Phoenix in 4