Long time no see...

So it's almost been a month since I posted something on here. Mainly because since then I've actually been keeping myself busy rather than sitting in front of my TV in my underwear playing Madden all day.

I'd ask if you missed me, but I'm probably the only one who ends up reading these anyway.

And yes, I have not won shit since the last "How to Lose Pro Line" post. In fact, I haven't even played since, and it's probably saved me money, time, and frustration.

Around this time of year, you see a lot of "Best/Worst of the year" type things. Since I have about an hour to kill I'll write one of my own.

So as you may know, I still avidly buy CDs from music stores.

I can already feel you shaking your head.

So naturally through purchasing all these albums, I get a taste of what I like and what I don't like.

More specifically, what I'm glad I picked up, and what I wished I would have kept on the shelf. I'll start with the ones I'm still listening to.

#1 - Kanye West - My Dark Beautiful Twisted Fantasy



No surprise here. I love Kanye (or Conway as George W. Bush calls him). However, I was really disappointed when he put out 808's and Heartbreak. I just wasn't feeling it. Graduation was good, but nothing amazing. Late Registration had some shining moments, but none of his albums came close to even touching the masterpiece that was College Dropout. That album is one of the rare ones that I can listen to all the way through without even thinking about touching the skip button. I'm THIS close to giving My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy the nod over it. It's absolutely incredible. I could write 9000 pages on why it is sex for your ears, so I'll cut it short and just tell you that you NEED to hear it. Not just one song, let it run all the way through. DO IT NOW.

#2 - Jimmy Eat World - Invented



Probably my favourite band. And just like above, close to being their very best album. If you're anything like me and are a sucker for anything acoustic (10 points to whoever gets that reference), I'd recommend the deluxe edition just for two of the four extra tracks, You & I and the acoustic version of Coffee & Cigarettes. They both feature Courtney Marie Andrews on vocals who has a killer voice.

#3 - Linkin Park - A Thousand Suns



I'm tired of all the "they're not as good as they used to be" or the "they should have never changed their style" comments I hear from fans of artists. Fuck you. Artists mature and refine their sound. If you don't like it, then just listen to their old shit. No one is forcing you to listen to the new stuff. Same thing goes for Linkin Park. Yes we all loved Hybrid Theory and Meteora, but that was years ago. Shit changes. A Thousand Suns is an incredible musical experience. The only knock I have on this album is it's not one that you can listen to song by song, you have to listen to the whole thing at once. But once you hit the last song, The Messenger (finally an acoustic LP song!), you'll agree with me.

#4 - Bedouin Soundclash - Light the Horizon



Root Fire was terrible, that's all I have to say about that. Sounding A Mosaic was a solid album, it was a good listen all the way through, but I felt like nothing really stood out on it. Street Gospels was one of those albums where the first half or so were all stand out songs, but the second half just fell off. So I had high hopes that Light the Horizon would combine what was good about the last two. No complaints from me. Easily their best album. What I like so much about this album are the highs and lows in terms of sound. A Chance of Rain is a song I can picture being played at a family barbecue (my family is Guyanese), while a song like No One Moves, No One Gets Hurt makes me feel like I got captured by some lunatic who wouldn't mind slitting my throat (yeah I'm fucked up, but you knew that). Go get it.

#5 - Jack Johnson - To The Sea



Ah, Mr. Jack Johnson. Here's a man who never disappoints. If you're a fan, I don't even have to convince you to pick this one up. Another great album by another great artist. This album was the soundtrack to all my bike rides along the lake (yes I exercise sometimes). I still can't believe I just didn't call in sick to work so I wouldn't have to sell my ticket to see him play at Molson Ampitheatre. If there's one thing you learn from wasting your time and reading my non-sensical ramblings that I call my blog, it's that lying will set you free.

Honourable mentions: Trapt - No Apologes, Damian Marley and Nas - Distant Relatives, MGMT - Congratulations

Now for my disappointments of 2010...

#1 Weezer - Hurley



I was pretty surprised when I heard that Weezer was releasing a new album not even a year since they put out Raditude. I hadn't even gotten my feet wet listening to that. I should have expected a pretty shitty album. It seems with any artist, that the longer the wait between albums, the better it sounds, and vice-versa. Other than a few songs like Ruling Me, Where's My Sex, and I Want to Be Something (Deluxe Edition only), the album was an actual piece of shit. So to the boys in Weezer (I know they read my blog regularly), just chill for a few years then put out something awesome like I expect from you. Maybe don't fuck for awhile again Rivers?

#2 - Bad Religion - The Dissent of Man



I'll be honest, I haven't listened to this one very much. But I guess it's for a reason, it's actually not a bad album, it's just nothing stands out to me. I had really high expectations for the dudes rocking the crossbuster but they didn't reach them.

#3 - Matt Costa - Mobile Chateau



All I have to say is: what the fuck happened Matt???

#4 - Finger Eleven - Life Turns Electric



I actually listened to this again this morning, it's not that bad, but it's also not that good. Falls into the "only listen to the first half" category. Meh

#5 Coheed and Cambria - Year of the Black Rainbow



This is a really good album. I'd still recommend you buy it. Far might be one of my favourite songs of all time. The reason it's on the list of disappointments is that all of their previous albums were incredible start to finish. This album has a few filler songs that constantly make me reach for the skip button. And another thing...just 54 minutes??? What happened to 12 minute epic finale that was on all the others? The last song on this album I can't even listen to, it's terrible. Take some time off and bang out another masterpiece that kicks my ass (they read the blog too).

Dishonourable mention: Avenged Sevenfold - Nightmare

So there you have it, my list of albums you should buy (who am I kidding, I'm the only one who still legally buys music) and list of ones you should avoid picking up (or wasting your time by illegally downloading) of 2010.

Hopefully the semi-hot, semi-hipster chick sitting to the left of me in Starbucks will think I'm writing a novel/movie script and will approach me with her phone number (UPDATE: Nope).

Enjoy Christmas and I'll see you in the New Year (maybe a few posts).

How To Lose Pro Line - Week 12

Whoever bought this ticket last week, I hate you.

I'm buying two tickets this week.

One for the three American Thanksgiving day games (the only day I ever win), and one for the regular slate of Sunday games.

So without further ado, this is how to lose money for week 12!

Thursday

NE @ DET
Spread: NE - 7.5
My pick: Pats

NWO @ DAL
Spread: NWO - 3.5
My pick: Saints

CIN @ NYJ
Spread: NYJ - 8.5
My pick: J-E-T-S

Sunday

PIT @ BUF
Spread: PIT - 7.0
My pick: Squealers

JAK @ NYG
Spread: NYG - 7.5
My pick: Jags

GB @ ATL
Spread: GB - 1.5
My pick: Pack

KC @ SEA
Spread: KC - 1.5
My pick: I could easily see the Chiefs winning by 1 but hopefully it'll be by a FG instead...

TB @ BAL
Spread: BAL - 8.5
My pick: Ravens win but give up the spread late. Gimme the Bucs.

PHI @ CHI
Spread: PHI - 3.5
My pick: Don't like the spread but give me the birds anyway.

So by Sunday night I'll likely be out 12 bucks (yes I'm laying 10 on the Thursday games). Or I'll miraculously be up $120.

Don't bet on it.

How To Lose Pro Line - Week 11

As expected, my ticket could have gone in the trash the second I bought it. Did that prevent me from buying another one?

Nope.



(Spreads are from Thursday, I've been lazy/busy/sleeping)

ATL @ STL
Spread: ATL - 3.0
My pick: Give me the birds on the road.

TB @ SF
Spread: SF - 3.0
My pick: Troy Smith has the Niners rolling but I like what Josh Freeman has been doing this year, Bucs will cover, if not win.

IND @ NE
Spread: NE - 3.0
My pick: Every thing points to the Pats beating the injury infirmary known as the Indianapolis Colts. Which is exactly why I'm taking the Colts. You love the logic.

NYG @ PHI
Spread: PHI - 3.5
My pick: Thought the spread would be much larger since the Eagles tore the Redskins a new asshole, but I guess the line makers didn't prematurely blow their load like the entire sports media. I think the Eagles win but the Giants will score a meaningless last minute touchdown to make it close. Giants cover.

DEN @ SD
Spread: SD - 9.5
My pick: If I miraculously make it to Monday night, this is probably the pick that's going to make me tear up my ticket and wipe my tears with the shreds, but for a prime time game I think the Broncos keep it close by just airing it out, especially near the end of the game. San Diego will win by like 8. GOOOOOO DENVERRRRRRRRR!

Do the complete opposite of these and...

How To Lose Pro Line - Week 10

So if you know me at all, you'd know that my Sundays consist of me sitting my ass in front of my TV watching football for 11 hours.

All I need for the day is pretty simple: heavily salted snack(s), underachieving fantasy football teams, an absence of pants and my "sure thing winning" point spread ticket.



I say "sure thing" because that's exactly how I feel about it every week I drop my hard earned (not really) money on a ticket.

You'd think after season after season of failure, and the fact that I've only broken even one year (thank you shitty American Thanksgiving scheduling), that I'd have learned my lesson to save money by NOT playing.

Nope.

Why?

Because of the same lies I tell myself that THIS week is the week I finally cash out. Examples:

"Well I got the early spreads and they're better so I got this."

"I have to win at least once in 21 weeks right?"

"As long as I stay away from [Insert team here] from now on, I'll definitely win."

"If [Insert team here] didn't fuck me last week I would have cashed out, this week I'll get it all back."

"Wow, only a sucker wouldn't take [Insert team here] to cover [Insert spread number here]."

"If I just buy it and hide it until Monday morning, maybe I'll finally win?" (Yes I tried that)

What pisses me off are 90% of the people who win copious amounts of money can't tell the difference between a football and wiffle ball.

Yes, the hot blonde at your work who picked her NCAA tourney bracket by "who has the cutest uniforms" will probably take home the office pot.

But anyways, because I appreciate you reading my useless and nonsensical blogs, I'm going to do you a favour and post my point spread ticket picks every week.

"How is this going to help me win money when you're always wrong?" is probably what you're asking.

Simple, pick the opposite of what I pick and watch the gravy train roll in to the station.

So without further ado...

NYJ @ CLE
Spread: NYJ - 3.0
My pick: J-E-T-S-PLEASE-FUCKING-COVER.

CIN @ IND
Spread: IND - 7.0
My pick: Gimme the Colts at home.

DET @ BUF
Spread: BUF - 3.0
My pick: This might be the only game this season where the Bills are favoured, and no Stafford for the Lions, the Bills have to win at least once right? (See same logic above)

KC @ DEN
Spread: KC - 1.5
My pick: I have no idea why, but give me the Broncos...

STL @ SF
Spread: SF - 6.5
My pick: I'd be a sucker not to take the Rams to cover such a huge spread! (Again, see same logic above)

NE @ PIT
Spread: PIT - 4.5
My pick: You think Belichick and Brady are pissed about getting dry anally raped by Cleveland? It'll be a close game, give me the Pats to at least cover...

And there you have it, don't do what I do and you'll be making it rain in no time.

The spreads will likely change by Sunday morning but whatever I try to catch the early ones (See same logic above).

You're welcome.

Lake Shore

A friend sent me this in an e-mail earlier today:



I'd heard about this a few months ago, but I had completely forgot about it. Now I know what you're thinking, "Oh no, Jersey Shore: Canadian Edition".

That's exactly what I said.

But for some reason that I still cannot explain after two seasons of the abomination in New Jersey and Miami, I'm still compelled to watch this show...

Maybe it's fun laughing at stupid, arrogant people. The fact that I'm not like them is comforting and entertaining.

Or maybe it's simply because my life is just that boring.

I'll go with the second one.

But I digress.

It should be interesting to see how well this show does, my guess is that it'll be just as or more popular than the Jersey Shore, at least on this side of the border.

I also wonder what network is going to pick this show up. My guess is City TV.



You gonna watch it?

Yeezy (and I love brackets)

Almost a month since I've posted anything. Oh well.

So Kanye West's new album "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" drops on November 22nd. It will be in my hand before the sun goes down that day.

Just wondering what the cover is gonna look like...could be any of the following:











I personally like the 4th one the best, and I'm guessing the 5th one is the non-controversial Wal-Mart cover.

I got a chance to watch the movie for Runaway the other day. It's pretty long but I'd recommend you watch it.



A fellow Kanye fan and blogger (http://littlemind-bigthoughts.blogspot.com/) [It's 1000 times better than mine] asked me my thoughts about it.

My response was that I had no idea. There were times during it where I said "This is funny", "This is brilliant", "This is weird", "This is stupid".

I guess kudos to him for getting all those responses from me in under 35 minutes.

Say what you want about Mr. West, that's he's an arrogant prick, that he's the epitome of the word douchebag (he is), but you can't deny that he's a musical genius and you can't help but to nod your head to whatever idea falls out of his head.

808s and Heartbreak may have been disappointing to a lot of fans but I still think it was pretty underrated.

That being said, I'm glad he's turning off the auto-tune and slightly getting back to his earlier music.

I don't think this album will come close to College Dropout (one of the best hip hop albums of all time in my book) but since you pretty much hear the entire album in the Runaway film, you can tell that it's pretty dope.

So in celebration of his new album, I've stocked up my iPod with every single Kanye song I can find. Here's my favourite song by Kanye Omari:



"If my manager insults me again, I will be assaulting him. After I fuck the manager up, then I'm going to shorten the register up."

Don't tell me I'm not the only one who's sung that under my breath at work...

Army Girl

She got morals
she got ethics
she's gorgeous
and God blessed it
feed you breakfast
do wrong
she corrects it
she be nice ah
I respect it
give me space
and don't press it
do her best to
leave me stressless
and that's precious
so impressive
so I invest it

She's my respiration

when I'm breathless
when the road's rough
she's my exit
who I came in
who I left with
she's my right now
and my next year.

The Apocalypse is near...

The Apocalypse will soon be on our side of the border.


Available at your local Kentucky Fried Chicken October 18th. Mark your calendar kids.

Tale of the tape:

540 Calories
30 g of fat
1740 mg of sodium (Recommended DAILY intake: 1500 mg)

Absolutely disgusting.

I can't wait to try one...



And here's the blog I jacked all the info from: http://www.edge.ca/Blogs/Edgegirl/BlogEntry.aspx?BlogEntryID=10149594

I love Playstation Network.

So I lost by 7 in Madden. Dude who beat me when I threw a pick 6 to end the game messaged me a few times misspelling such words as "poosy", "fagget", and "dancen". Told him it took a big man to talk tough over the internet and this was his response...

"nah it don't been that way in the streets too, kid. 43 yrs old n have done state time 4 attempted murder n fed time in jersey so go bump ya gums 2 da next nigga cuz i ain't trying 2 hear it!!! im not oneof punkass kids u can talk slick to, so remember that."

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Lack of Bloggage

So I've been pretty lazy lately on posting anything. I guess not being in school/on public transportation daily anymore gives me less shit to write about. Was gonna write about a dude with little man syndrome who followed me to work and said he was gonna kick my ass for "scaring him" as I passed by with my bike, or about the middle aged Asian dude in the bathroom at Union Station who from the time he unzipped to blow drying his hands had this death stare at me, but meh.

Maybe I'll have more to bitch about when the hockey season starts (Scratch maybe, DEFINITELY).

Here's a song...



Peace out.

How UPS fucked me...

THIS FUCKING HAPPENED TO ME TODAY:





First of all, I've been tracking the progress of where the fuck my iPod is on the UPS website. They said it'd come on the 9th (yesterday). As of last night at 11:20 it was still in Hamilton. I wake up this morning and it says it's in Concord, Ontario. It hadn't been updated to say it was going out for fucking delivery yet.

Because I worked yesterday at 4, I sat around all day at home, NOT showering because I knew exactly when I hopped into the shower exactly what is shown in the pictures above would happen.

They say on the site that they will deliver anytime from 9 am to 7 pm. I set my alarm to 9 just in case they came as early as possible. 10:15 am, and it still says it's in Concord so I quickly hop into the shower. I come out, check the site...

10/09/2010 10:25

ADULT SIGNATURE REQUIRED TO SIGN FOR THIS PACKAGE; NOT DELIVERED; A 2ND DELIVERY
ATTEMPT WILL BE MADE.

I WAS IN THE SHOWER FOR FUCKING 15 MINUTES. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!

And to top it off, I can't even go pick it up myself, I have to wait until Monday when the SAME SHIT will probably happen to me while I'm taking a piss, THEN I'll have to go pick it up.

Fuck you UPS, in the worst possible way.

More fun on the GO

So last night some friends and I hit up Puck 'N Wings downtown to see another friend we don't see too often.



Wings were awesome (I'd recommend the Mesquite) and the beer was cold. Jays won in extra innings too, so all in all, it was a pretty good night. However the HON candidate (hell, the straight up winner) of the night happened when we got on the last train home.



Now I've mentioned in the past a very entertaining pickup attempt dripping with failure earlier this year on the GO:

http://tbettz.blogspot.com/2010/03/swing-and-miss.html

...but this one takes the cake.

So we sit down and about a second before the train starts moving, this moderately attractive girl who I can safely assume sprinted to catch the train based on her being covered in sweat and breathing like she just finished a triathlon, sits down just a seat over.

Sitting directly across from her is a dude wearing a CNE employee shirt. Again, eavesdropping is something you're always told not to do but fuck it, we all do it anyway. So the conversation between them went as follows:

CNE dude: You were the Blue Jays game eh? How was that? (She was decked out in Jays gear)

Girl: *still struggling to find her breath*

CNE dude: Oh...guess I'll let you breathe...

CNE due: Would you like some water?

Girl: *shakes her head*

From this point I kinda stopped paying attention until one of my friends brought to my attention how the conversation was going.

They weren't talking and the CNE dude just got upgraded to creepy CNE dude as he was raping her with his eyes.

Now I guess I'll let out a pretty well known fact: If a guy sees an attractive girl, he checks out what she's got if you know what I mean. However, it's a subtle thing as to not come off like a fucking creep.

THIS guy was eyeballing every single pore from her ankles to her thigh where her shorts started. His stare looked similar to this:



Pretty much the only thing missing from the scene was him pulling his dick out to beat off.

Meanwhile, the girl was partially covering her face and looking away to the side where I got to see the look of sheer terror on her face.



My friend recommended we pretend to know her and get her to come over to empty seat we had but at this point she had gone to sleep so it wasn't like we could have asked.

Fast forward about 20 minutes later as she's leaving to get off at her stop (or to get away from Ted Bundy Jr.) and creepy CNE dude stops her to give her a stuffed animal.

"Here take this."
"No thanks...I...uh..."
"I thought you'd like it, it's a blue bird"
*random stuttering from trying to say no in every single way possible*
"Take it."
*girl gives us a bewildered look, takes it and Usain Bolts it down the stairs*
*Creepy CNE dude smiles and returns to his corner*

I may have suffered a permanent injury from biting down on my lip so hard so as not to laugh and possibly get shived by aforementioned creepy CNE dude.


(This is a shiv)

After he left, we talked about what might have happened if he got of on the same stop as her and concluded that she'd probably be on the news the next day or at least in a freezer somewhere.

Pretty sure she's not ever going to The EX again...


Think I'll pass...

Resistance 3

*takes talents to South Beach* (look it up)

Disintegration

Lie, lie, better next time, stay on my side tonight.

Best Buy Still Sucks and another reason I am a hypocrite.

Product replacement plans, extended warranty, whatever you call them are bullshit.

A few months ago, I bought myself some Apple iPod headphones. These ones to be exact:



Usually, I don't spend money on headphones over 15 bucks because none of them last very long. Which I don't quite understand because it's not like I fucking swim with them but whatever.

I got pretty sick of having to head to my local Best Buy every 2 months to buy new headphones because my shitty budget ones stopped working, so I shelled out 30 bucks (I'm a cheap fuck so this is a big purchase), on the aforementioned headphones thinking that if I actually bought some slightly more expensive ones, they'd actually last. When the purchase came, I was asked if I wanted to buy the Product Replacement Plan for 10 bucks.



Now I've been bent over and fucked with no lubrication by this very same Product Replacement Plan before but the cashier assured me that with a lower priced item like say $30 headphones, I could just bring them in and they'd replace them right there no problem.

Now for 10 bucks, I figure if anything went wrong with them in 2 years (or I could just make up something before it expired) I could bring them in and get a brand spankin' new pair. Done deal.

So fast forward a few months to today, and while lying in my bed this morning listening to my iPod, the left headphone shorts out. Why it's ALWAYS the left one with every single pair I get, I have no idea.

I instantly remember that I bought the Product Replacement Plan for this now piece of shit, and head to Best Buy to do just that, get them replaced.

Now rewind again to a year ago, where I was in a similar position with my $120 over-the-head headphones I used for school. The left side cracked and basically fell off. I head to Best Buy hoping I can get a replacement because I had some commercials to do the next day. They told me I needed to call some number on the back and they'll send me some papers to put in and on the box I put said headphones in and mail it to some depot in the States (why the fuck doesn't Best Buy CANADA have a depot in..umm..CANADA??). These papers will apparently cover the cost of shipping.

So I head to UPS and they charge me for some bubble wrap and to put it in a box. Best Buy won't cover that. Whatever.

They mail it off and I get a gift card for $120 bucks a few months later. Key words here: FEW and MONTHS.

I also get a letter from UPS saying that I owe them 30 bucks as shipping costs for sending it to somewhere I don't remember in the States. That letter went straight into the garbage.

Fast forward again.

So I bought yet another PRP because the girl at cash told me that I could have these replaced IN STORE.

I go today to do just that, and they tell me call the number, yadda yadda yadda.

So to the bitch who essentially lied to me months before, I hope you were/will be hit by a GO Train.



So because I'm absolutely broke, I'm going to have to go until my next cheque until I can listen to my iPod outside of my house again (I'm not walking around with over-the-head headphones), because I may or may not get my $30 gift card before the second coming of Christ.

Not even the headphones, a gift card, meaning I have to walk into Best Buy again and buy another pair and resist the urge to punch the cashier in the mouth when they ask me if I'd like to buy a Product Replacement Plan.

Here comes the part where I'm a hypocrite.

I work in a similar retail store where I'm required to at least try to sell other people extended warranties. So I have to try to get people to spend their money on something I rarely get myself.

Yeah, I'm one of those very people that make my job more difficult.

Other than these two incidents, I typically never buy into the whole extended warranty, replacement plan bullshit because:

1. I take care of my shit for the most part and
2. I'm a cheap fuck.

This probably why I'm so bad at selling those because asking someone if they'd like to get the extended warranty sounds like "would you like to be fucked against your will for a price?" to my ears.



Is it just me, or are we paying more for things of shittier quality nowadays?

Far

I welcome this pain
beating down on me
Is it your eyes
that choose not to see?

All I would do
if only you knew
All of my trust
was given to you

Oh, please, this is what I can give
What else do you need from me?
I might be sick, broken, torn to pieces
So, whatever this is, this thing that now I've become,
you hate it so much, you keep on running from it
No matter the distance, no matter how,
no matter how far

I buried this hurt,
concealed in this heart
Go lock all your doors,
these cold steps will warm

Oh, please, this is what I can give
What else do you need from me?
I might be sick, broken, torn to pieces
So, whatever this is, this thing that now I've become,
you hate it so much, you keep on running from it
No matter the distance, no matter how,
no matter how far

No matter how far

This is what I can give
What else do you need from me?
I might be sick, broken, torn to pieces
So, whatever this is, this thing that now I've become,
you hate it so much, you keep on running from it
No matter the distance, no matter how,
no matter how far

No, no matter how far
No, no matter how far
No, no matter how far
No, no matter how, no matter how far

Christian Rock Hard

I saw these dudes in a huge church downtown with a couple buddies in Grade Nine. I wondered what the hell they were doing performing in a church, then my friend explained to me they're a Christian Rock band. Crazy, my idea of Christian Rock back then was using "Jesus" every two words in a song.

There's a lot of pretty good Christian Rock bands actually, some might surprise you that that's what they identify themselves as.

Anyways, we saw these dudes in a church after suffering through a good hour of prayers and all that jazz (that may have also been the last time I voluntarily stepped into a church too) and after sitting through some shitty opening bands (yes Christian Rock also has the all too familiar crappy opening bands) we finally got to see the trio known as Thousand Foot Krutch, who were actually pretty awesome.



We even got to meet the band after the show. They were some pretty chill, cool guys.

A few years later when they released their album "The Art of Breaking", I heard their song "Move" on WEDG (The Edge in Buffalo), pretty big deal.

Then they had their song "Fire It Up" featured in NHL 10.

In other words, these guys got pretty popular and for good reason, always good to see a good Canadian band make a name for themselves.

So you might be thinking this is just to toot my horn for "knowing them before they got popular", (never understood that either, shouldn't you be happy if one of your favorite bands becomes more successful?) but I guess I'm just reiterating that tired old saying:

Don't judge a book by its cover.

I've been guilty of that countless times whether it's people, music, or whatever but I can honestly say I'm trying to work on that.

I guess the first reaction for most people when they hear "Christian Rock" is bible thumping conservative music but that's not really the case.

I'm not a religious person at all, despite being raised in a religious family but I can honestly say Christian Rock is pretty dope.

Although the episode of South Park with "Faith +1" is pretty dope too.



/useless post

Dub Pistols - Back to Daylight

Yup.

Shenanigans!

So a few weeks ago I attended the Pickering Ribfest. I didn't actually get any ribs because they were about 25 bones a rack and I'm really cheap/broke.

Instead me and a buddy dropped 6 bucks each on these giant steel mugs of root beer.



I've never had so much pop in one sitting in my life but it was definitely worth it.



Anyways, sometime during our stay, we passed by this booth selling energy drinks where people were filling out little sheets of paper and putting them into a box.

The girl told us that they were running some contest where you can win iPods, boats, vacations, typical contest prizes.

We both entered and left after she tried to sell us some random energy drink I had never heard of. I told her "we'll come back when we're thirsty". Then proceeded to avoid that booth every time we passed by it.

Flash forward two weeks later and I get a call from some long ass number. We have caller ID so I don't pick up the phone when I see a number that's longer than your regular 9 digits because it's always some dude asking if I want to subscribe to the Toronto Star, if I need windows, etc. (What the fuck happened to that National Do-Not-Call list anyway?)

This number has been calling for a good week now and I ignore it, but my mom picks up. She hands me the phone mentioning something about the ribfest and I take the phone.

Lady on the line named Barbie (who the fuck names their kid after a doll?) tells me I've won some vacation to Florida.

I've won quite a few things in the past that were actually legit so I figure I'll hear her out since I actually remember entering this thing.

She goes over the details of the trip, blah blah blah, then at the end of this 10 minute long explanation she nonchalantly mentions a promotional fee of 480 something bucks and moves on to her next point.

You sly little bitch.

"Sorry, you said there's a promotional fee?"

"Of course!"

"Uhh..."

"It's a $5000 dollar trip!"

"Uhh...not interested..."

"Are you sure? If you don't claim it now I'll have to give this amazing opportunity to the next person on the list!"

"Sorry."

*more details on trip* (At this point I stopped listening)

At this point I could have called her some really mean names like I wanted to but I didn't and just hung up the phone.

What a fucking scam, and what's sad is some people actually fall for this and end up with nothing but a lighter wallet.

Now if you'll excuse me, a Nigerian prince is offering me $800 000 if I just give him my credit card number and lend him $20 000.

What a sucker this guy is...

UPDATE:

Why I hate the Portly Piper.

Anyone living in this town knows exactly how fucking boring it is. The title for most exciting thing is an epic battle between the Wal-Mart and the Cineplex (If I'm wrong, please let me know...PLEASE).

It's pretty well known that if you want to something that's mildly entertaining (sorry Tim Horton's parking lot), that you have to go elsewhere to do it.

I guess if you're a "fun" or "interesting person", your weekends consist of heading to some club downtown and "partying like a rockstar" (or insert non-out of date popular dance/hip-hop song), or going the other way, east to slightly classier bars that have some type of dance floor to blow your entire paycheque on 4-5 overpriced alcoholic beverages.

I can't dance, I'm broke and my nicest outfit is a pair of ripped jeans (they didn't come that way either), and a hoodie with some team on it.

So yeah, that option doesn't apply to me.

My weekends usually consist of sitting in a friend's basement while we collectively vow to "do something". We usually end up doing just that, but "something" is almost always "watching TV" or "playing Madden".

It looks a lot like this:



If you live in this town, and aren't away for school, and these two situations aren't a regular occurrence to you I'll tell you what is. You're a regular at this place:



Ahh...the good old Portly right? Where you're guaranteed to see someone you know.

That's part of why I hate going to this place.

Don't get me wrong, I don't really hate anyone and it is really nice catching up with people you haven't seen since elementary school/high school/that old job.

But once you start going every week, the nostalgia wears off.

"I haven't seen you since (insert one of the options above here)" turns into "I haven't seen you since...last week."

I'm not an interesting person, I'm actually pretty boring so all I really have when I haven't seen someone in a while are stuff along the lines of "What have you been up to? What school are you at? What program are you taking?"

It's a great conversation the first time, but when I see the same person the very next week, I'm out of ammunition. I really have nothing to say to you.

"What have you been up to?" is answered with "The same thing I was doing last week when you asked me".

Another reason I hate the Portly, and really pubs/bars/clubs in general is how expensive alcohol is. I don't like spending money on a beer that I could have got 6 of with the same price at the LCBO.

Next reason also applies to all places that serve alcohol. Shitty bands. I've been to maybe two bars in my life that had a half decent band. I'd rather have the ability to hear my friends and have my friends hear me than your butchered version of "Mr. Jones".

My final reason is something that happens on at least one Saturday of every month.

The Ultimate Fighting Championship.

I actually like the UFC, it doesn't hold a candle to boxing in my mind, but it's still pretty entertaining.

What I DON'T like about the UFC are the douchebags.

These guys:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I would rather spend 70 bucks to order the PPV at home and watch it myself then watch it in a packed bar listening to assholes in Affliction tees screaming at every TV to "kill that nigger".

I've heard worse, trust me.

So the next time you see me there, I had no say in the matter, and I most definitely will not be there for a while after that.

Count Your Blessings

Smarties box

Very true.



Hmm...

/useless post

NBA Playoffs - Finals Prediction

(1) Los Angeles vs. (4) Boston

Prediction: Boston in 6
Result: Lakers in 7

So I was wrong, but could not be happier. Fuck the Celtics.

NHL Playoffs - Stanley Cup Final Prediction

Ahh...finally I can enjoy the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Yes, the Philadelphia Flyers have finally killed that annoying bug that just wouldn't die that is the Montreal Canadiens.

I can finally go back to my regular dislike of all Philadelphia sports teams.

I say "dislike" because "hate" is a very strong word, that I have only reserved for the Montreal Canadiens and the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Anyways, the final best of 7 series for Lord Stanley's Mug is finally set.

Your 2010 matchup is between the Chicago Blackhawks and the Philadelphia Flyers.

Now you might think because I previously mentioned my dislike for all things sport from the City of Brotherly Love, that I'll be cheering for the Chicago Blackhawks, but that's not the case.

Because really, I'm not cheering for anyone. As I've mentioned before, my team didn't make it to the post-season.

Instead, I'll be cheering for players, and since the Flyers have these guys:



And the Blackhawks have these guys:



I don't really care who wins.

I just hope it's a good series with some good hockey, and it will be.

That being said, I'll still make a pick.

(2) Chicago vs. (7) Philadelphia

I'm really tempted to go with Philly here, since they're on some crazy run (see Eastern Conference Semi-Finals) but I can't pick against such a balanced and talented team like the Hawks. So...

Prediction: Chicago in 6.
Result: Chicago in 6.

I guess we'll see if Sidney Crosby really did bust that "curse" of touching the Prince of Wales trophy...

UPDATE: Nope.

Fan Mail

I didn't think I was really all that important but I guess my overuse of social media sites and nonsensical blogging has payed off!

That's right ladies and gentlemen, I finally have fans!

My first two bits of fan mail came via Facebook messages:

Between You and Jj Burns
May 21 at 1:12pm Report
faggot much?

why are you so goddamn ugly?

kill yourself cunt

Between You and Pv Justice
May 22 at 1:33am Report
STILL A FAGGOT CUNT YOU ARE

take your faggot face off the pics, you're hurting the internet with your presence cunt

Fantastic!

I figure I'll max out at 5000 friends soon, so don't be afraid to create a fan page for yours truly.

Your pal,
Tristan

/sarcasm

UPDATE:

Tristan is a faggot said...

*YAWN*

can you be more boring?

nope guess not

fucking homo
May 21, 2010 1:11 PM

Tristan is a faggot said...

hey dickface


why you so ugly?
May 21, 2010 1:11 PM

Tristan is a faggot said...

Nobody reads your fag blogs cumstain
May 21, 2010 1:10 PM
Tristan is a faggot said...

you're still a faggot cunt
May 22, 2010 1:31 AM

Tristan is a faggot said...

you're a faggot
plain and simple

TRUTH

Tristan is a faggot might be my most loyal fan. They comment on all my posts, almost right as I post them. I'm actually quite flattered that someone has taken time to send me such kind comments. Not to mention us having the same first name! Thanks for reading.

Blonde Genies

Got this in an e-mail from my uncle. KILLED me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks
up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful
women.

After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100
bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door.

He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, 'I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful
women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me.

NBA Playoffs - Conference Finals Predictions

East

(2) Orlando vs. (4) Boston

Prediction: Orlando in 7
Result: Boston in 6

West

(1) Los Angeles vs. (3) Phoenix

Was thinking Phoenix in 6, but this series is going 7. And no one is beating the Lakers at home in a game 7 so...

Prediction: Los Angeles in 7
Result: Los Angeles in 6

NHL Playoffs - Conference Final Predictions

The shitheads that are the Montreal Canadiens by some act of God are in the Eastern Conference Final.

I'll let Mike Gundy tell you how I feel...



What's even more vomit inducing is that they'll probably win this series too and head to the finals where I pray, PRAY that whoever comes out of the West takes care of business and ends this run they're on.

(7) Philadelphia vs. (8) Montreal
Prediction: Montreal in 7
Result: Philadelphia in 5

(1) San Jose vs. (2) Chicago
Prediction: Chicago in 6
Result: Chicago in 4

God I hate the Montreal Canadiens...

An American Draft Dodger in Thunder Bay

Great song by one of Canada's finest.

Dear Canadian hockey fans...

Spare me the whole "Bring the cup back to Canada" bullshit I hear every time a Canadian team is in or near the Stanley Cup Finals.

I never really started watching hockey until I moved from Toronto to a town where 80% of its population watched the sport religiously (ironic, ain't it?).

It was that run by the Toronto Maple Leafs in 2002 to the Conference Finals against the Carolina Hurricanes that made me really become the hockey fan that I am today.

Two years later, the 6th seed in the West, the Calgary Flames, made it to the Stanley Cup Finals.

Probably about 99% of the country was cheering for the Flames to beat the Tampa Bay Lightning for one simple reason:

To "bring the cup back home to Canada".

That was the first time I'd ever heard that, and still don't understand it to this day.

I'm a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and unfortunately, that year they were eliminated for the second year in a row by the Philadelphia Flyers.

I had no one left to cheer for because my team was out.

Every one else for the reason I mentioned earlier "adopted" the Calgary Flames.

I remember sitting in a basement, watching Game 7 with a few friends, who couldn't understand how or why I wasn't cheering for their all of a sudden, beloved Calgary Flames.

Simple. My team was out.

The Lightning ended up winning that series in seven games and wasn't upset like my friends were.



I was glad that Dave Andreychuk, after 22 seasons, finally got to hoist the Stanley Cup.

The same thing happened two years later, when the Edmonton Oilers faced the Carolina Hurricanes in the Finals. Carolina won, and I was glad to see Rod Brind'Amour raise the cup.



My team didn't even make the playoffs that year. I had no one to cheer for.

As of today, there are two Canadian teams left in the Stanley Cup Finals, the Vancouver Canucks and the Montreal Canadiens.

Vancouver is 4412 kilometers away, I don't care for the Canucks.

The greatest and most bitter rivalry in hockey is between the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Montreal Canadiens.

Yeah not cheering for those guys either.

So I thought about it...maybe the whole "bringing the cup home" thing has to do with the nationality of the players on each team?

Well if that's the case, then cheer for the Penguins, who have 17 Canadian players (one of those being Sidney Crosby [see 2010 Winter Olympics Men's Ice Hockey Gold Medal Game]) on their team compared to Montreal's 15.

Chicago has 20 and so does Vancouver so I guess that's a push. Even though Chicago's captain is Winnipeg's own Jonathan Toews.

So I guess what I'm getting at, is that I don't get the whole "getting behind a Canadian team in the playoffs that you don't regularly cheer for" thing. Makes no sense to me.

And it probably never will.

An open letter to Chris Bosh.

I used to like you.

I feel for you when you complain about the constant lack of effort from your team night after night.

You're a perennial All-Star at the age of 26.

You're not at Kobe, Lebron or Wade's level (and you never will be), but I still appreciate how good of a player you are.

Hell, you're probably one of the best power forwards in the game.



I liked you even more after that video put me in stitches. Everyone can appreciate a good sense of humour.

However after your recent tweets, I actually want something like this to happen to you...



Been wanting to ask. Where should I go next season and why? 6:28 PM Apr 30th via Twitterrific

Are you kidding me? Are you just trying to fuck with Toronto or are you just an attention whore?

Ok... Let me rephrase the question. Should I stay or should I go? 7:06 PM Apr 30th via Twitterrific

That one was even more fucking dumb. What do you think your fans are you going to say? To tell you to get the fuck out of the country ASAP?

My first time making ESPN or ABC this year! Thank you Mr. Wilbon and Mr. James. 5:34 PM May 2nd via Twitterrific

First of all...sad that you know that. Second of all...REALLY? You're the face of basketball in an entire country and you care that two American networks mentioned you BECAUSE of your last two fucked up tweets?

Let me tell you something Chris...you're never going to be as big in an American market as you are here in Toronto.

You say you want to win a championship.

If you go to a contending team, you're no longer the #1. That team will already have their own star, and that spotlight won't be shining on you anymore.

Ask the stars before you if they still would have left Toronto if they could have done it all over again. Tracy might be the only one who'll tell you yes.

(By the way, he doesn't have a ring to this day.)

So whatever Chris, I couldn't care less if you leave anymore. It'd just be nice if you agreed to a sign and trade so we can actually get something for you in return while you get your American media attention fix somewhere else.

Sitting here watching the games wishing I was playing. I wonder if that MVP trophy is heavy? about 22 hours ago via Twitterrific

Yeah keep wondering, you'll never know.